The Reason Is You

well i know its been long since i have written something but last night if i hadn't expressed this on paper i swear I'd have gone mad!this is for someone who came really close to me despite me trying to keep him away!i guess my will power isn't as strong as his!nevertheless things happened last night n we may never speak to each other again,actually i wont be able to speak to him after everything that happened!so this is actually what i wanted to tell him but i couldn't because i have poor communication skills!so this is for u, The Gay Guy,i hope we never meet again,u may think I'll forget u but u touched a part of my heart which makes it impossible for me to forget u,But it also makes it impossible for me to see u or talk to u!u were rite, saying something is easier than doing it actually!my feelings did get the better of me.......so i wish u well kishori!take care!this is for u:-

The reason I smiled again, was you
The reason sun shined again for me, was you
The reason I cared again, was you
The reason I dared again, was you
The reason I forgot my past, was you
The reason I moved on, was you
The reason I felt alive again, was you
The reason I felt free again, was you
The reason I was bold again, was you
The reason I was confident enough to try again, was you
My morning started with you,
My day ended with you,
My strength was you,
To some extent my weakness was also you
But now,
The reason I am weak again, is you
The reason I am wounded again, is you
The reason I am injured again, is you
The reason I cry again, is you
The reason I am silent again, is you
The reason I am numb again, is you
The reason I am into myself again, is you
The reason I write after days, is only you
The wound hurts and the pain is too much
But I still stand by what I said,
That is even after all this I am still happy for you!

-Priyanka Dutt (29.10.08)

Money money money

Haha this is a snap of my favorite bank.my sweet cash bank.gifted to me by captain jack sparrow himself.you savy mate?ARGH......!

Experiment

was just trying out my new phn's features!found that i can post snaps i take directly from my phn!cool huh!

A Way Back into Love

I have been lonely for so long
Ever since I learnt what’s right from wrong
Sitting here, writing this song
Trying to find a way to move on

I have been waiting for the stars to shine
Waiting for someone to come and say “you’re mine”
Hoping the moon would shed some light
And help me through the night

I need someone for inspiration
Need to get rid of this confusion
I am looking for a direction
You can give me your suggestions

I’ve hidden my dreams away
Wonder whether I’ll ever need them someday
I’ve been telling myself, I’m fine
All this while, searching for some kind of a sign

But now I know what I have to do
Yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
If I open myself to you, will you help me start over again?
And promise to be with me till the end?

I want to start fresh and new
With no one else but you
All I need to make it through is your love
So help me find a way back into love…!!

-Priyanka Dutt

7.9.08

A Game Called-Life

i know i know i took a really long time to write again but well better late than never!sorry about the delay!wasnt getting any strong emotion to write about!so here is my new work i hope u all like it! here is goes:-

Deep into the night I often wake up
To see the clouds pass by
As the world sleeps and dreams
I sit by my window and write

I see the waves rise in the ocean and then disappear
Just like my spirit which surfaces
And then drowns in tears
As the anger within remains silent for years

Now I see the moon coming out from its hiding
Filling the Dark streets with its light
Shining in its full glory
And then shying away again from everyone’s sight

The winter breeze, which now is my old friend
Is back again to Play with my hair, and give me company
As I sit here, enjoying the silence
Waiting for the long cold night to end

Wish I could fly away as well with these southern birds,
Start a new world of my own, where I can thrive
Yes I want to run far away
From this ugly mess called LIFE

But that will never happen no matter how much I try
I have a dream in my eyes,
A dream which I want to fulfill.
And no matter how hard things get
I know, for this dream to come true, I have to fight

Life is unfair, I know it is
Everything isn’t always right
Broken, destroyed, challenged again and again
Been tested by time in all its might

It’s like a never ending game for me
and I am determined never to give up and fall
My weakness turns into my strength
And my dream helps me to move on

-Priyanka Dutt
19.8.08

Understanding LOVE

i thought i knew what love is,
but i guess i was wrong,
it isn't like the fairy tales
it isn't always like a happy song!

there's fighting,drama,depression n trauma,
there is sacrifices,guilt,obsession n even pain,
its just a world filled with dilemma,
to see the sunshine u have to face the storm n the rain!

but overcoming all this together,
just by talking n being there for each other,
when she understands him
and he understands her

and even after all this when You're,
looking into each others eyes,
loosing yourself there while the time flies,
knowing each others thoughts before words combine,
its when u both know where your heart truly lies,

only then,yes only then you realize
what true love actually feels like..................

Dilemma

Dilemma

Home……………..if you ask anyone what the word home means to them in their life, I am sure you’ll get answers varying from “it’s a place where I live” to “its somewhere I can be myself”…different people different opinion. But what does the word “home” mean to me? To me home is- a place where I can not only find warmth and comfort with mom’s home cooked meals, but a place where I can also find the joy and excitement of being with my friends, people whom I love the most in the whole world, a place where I can be with my someone special and have butterflies fluttering in my stomach when ever I hear his voice, a place where I can find freedom to express myself without any regrets or shame, where I can not only be happy but also break down if I have to and cry my heart out and then stand up to brace myself to face my troubles, to me “home” is a place where I know I BELONG!

I remember a few days back when I came to know that I’ll be going to Delhi during my autumn vacation for a short trip, I was filled with joy, and I instantly called up one of my best friends, Arani, and screamed on the phone with joy “I am going home………………..” teenage excitement, you just have to share it with someone, no matter what effect it has on the other person!

But was it true? What I told Arani that day, did I really mean that? Did I know what I was talking about? Tonight when I sat down to write I replayed my conversation with my best friend again and again in my mind and realized that, I myself don’t know which is my actual home-the capital of the country-Delhi? Or the city of the Nobel laureates-Kolkata?

Delhi- a place where I spent my glorious years of childhood! My proud past! A past filled with happy memories, extravagant trips, and a wonderful happy family! A place where I was the envied child in school, with powers and a tag of being every teachers pet!

Kolkata-My Evergreen Present! The place where I reside now! A place where I am growing up and spending my teenage life and completing my education from one of the finest institutions in the city! A place where I find mental peace, a place where I started understanding what life really is all about!

So where lies my dilemma? If Kolkata is the place where I live now then shouldn’t this technically be my home? If that’s so then why did I tell Arani, in my excited subconscious state of mind that I was going “home”, which apparently wasn’t referred to Kolkata but was referred to Delhi? As I said earlier, to me home is not just where I live, but where I belong! So where do I belong? Delhi or Kolkata? Suddenly it’s not just a series of questions anymore; it’s a war between my past and my present! Indeed I have some really fond memories in the countries Capital, that’s where I had a happy family life and a spoilt life! But is that really more than what I found in Kolkata? Can it be compared to the most priceless gift which I found here in the city of joy-the everlasting loyal friendship which holds no conditions with it? Now of course I had friends in Delhi, not to brag or anything but I was quite popular in Delhi, like I am here in Kolkata[I hope…?] but were those friends with me, like my friends here were, when I really needed someone, and was having a difficult phase in life? The answer is NO! That’s because the distance between Delhi and Kolkata managed to come between my Delhi friends and me, with time playing its vital role! And no matter how much modern technology claims to shorten the distance between 2 places, it just couldn’t reduce the gap which had formed between Delhi and Me! Like they say, once the connection is broken, it’s broken and there is nothing you can do about it!

Then why am I still hooked on to Delhi? It’s obvious my old friends in Delhi most probably don’t even remember me now, and the Capital itself must have changed beyond my imagination, then what do I miss the most about that place? My lavish lifestyle and my carefree nature? My united family, since I had my father with me back then Or is it because I want to run away from the approaching adulthood and take refuge in my childhood where I had nothing to worry about, because I am scared and I don’t want to grow up this soon? Is that what I really want? Do I really want to go back? Too many questions, and with the increasing curiosity level and the quest to find out my motive in life, they remain unanswered as usual! So where exactly lies the answers to my questions? Will I too be enlightened just like Buddha was, on this very trip? Another question added to the never ending list! Only difference is that I know I’ll have the answer to this question once I return from Delhi! Will I also have the answers to my other questions when I return from my trip? Will I come back as a changed person with a clear prospective about the future? Will I have the answer to my main question of where I really belong once I return? What bothers me the most is why are there so many questions which have no answers in my life? Maybe like every other teenager, I too am growing up or maybe unlike every other teenager my quest to know what I am here for in this world is getting out of my own control as I grow up……………………., like the mystery from an unfinished suspense novel hanging in the air, I ask my final question, which has to be the mother of all – will I ever get my answers?

Well only time will tell, and until then all I can do is sit back and look forward to my trip to Delhi, my trip to enlightenment………………!

-Priyanka Dutt

22.5.08